This unfinished business between us stirs my mind. I am unsettled. I am vexed. I close my eyes to shut it out and my lapses fall in line. Rational thought points blame away, but I redirect fault's arrows, allowing old guilts to advance.
Stand with them now. They are your comrades in my old battles.
She was on her death bed and I left her there, I thought I was fatigued beyond imagination. I didn't know the difference between fatigue and grief.
He was bullied on the school ground. I looked to another for his salvation.
She was angry at me and I took it personally instead of taking myself to her and asking for forgiveness.
I didn't know how to treat their illnesses. I was embarrassed by my inabilities. I remain so today.
He didn't know how to be a father. I thought I did something to provoke his absence.
My rational mind tells me that there are no perfect answers. I did the best I could possibly do in each of these situations. And I've done the best I could do in our unfinished business. But I feel so very guilty. The commonality is my unknowing, my inability to help someone that I love(d) so very much.
I suppose all I can do is ask that if someone knows the answer, that they help me out by filling in the blanks. If I should be grieving, I'll grieve. I can do that, I've done it before. He is missed. You are missed. I am unsettled.
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