Today I completed the 2 week On Ramp class at CrossFit Central Houston. I'm amazed at the amount of learning and change I've undergone in the past 2 weeks. I've been sore in places I didn't know could hurt. I'm drinking more water and my diet is much cleaner. My clothes are fitting better. My sleep is deeper. Now comes the hard part. Even with coaching and encouragement, I'm super-hesitant to jump into classes 2 or 3 times a week. I trust the coaches. I observed them observing me and I listened as they explained how I can do things better.
I've learned about proper use of equipment and body mechanics. I've also learned a lot about my state of mind and how it can help or hinder my progress.
Fear.
It's heavier than any weight in the gym. It offers more resistance than the thickest of elastic bands. It looms higher than the highest of pull up bars.
Twice this week I was close to tears while working out.
The first time, I was feeling a kind of euphoria - I guess. (The runner's high mostly eluded me in my years of distance running.) Toward the end of Monday's workout, I was having fun. The rowing machine is in my wheelhouse. I felt comfortable with deadlifts. I was getting the swing of kettle bell swings. My heart rate was up and I was soaked in sweat. It felt great! And then I realized I felt like crying. Huh?
Today we learned the Clean lift. Let me back up a bit and say that we started off with Wall Balls. That exercise requires a start from squat and powering up to throw a medicine ball above a painted line on the wall. Flexibility is something I've steadfastly ignored through my years of running. Performing a squat is tough for me. Really tough. I was moved back to air squats so I could work on my form and depth. Great! Or, not. Ego rears it's ugly head at the most ridiculous times. I am working hard to allow my gratitude for coaching to outweigh my fear of embarrassment.
So we move on to the lift. It's hard, people! These movements don't come naturally to me. A major portion of the lift is allowing the bar to move through potential energy and then finishing with kinetic energy. The control freak part of my brain wants to JUST MOVE THE WEIGHT!!! Not exactly efficient. This is a great lesson for me, though. Muscling my way through the lifts (and through life) isn't good for me. I want what is good for me. Awesome! And now I feel like crying again. But I don't because I'm just not going to.
Finishing the class, we were given general information on membership. Fear sat with me in that room. Here was my verbalized question: "Does anyone ever repeat On Ramp?" The answer: "Some people do." The coach followed with encouragement to keep working, go to classes...step up and face the challenge.
I'm going to let Fear have it's place here. It exists. It's been my near-constant companion for over 50 years. The thing is, it's not beaten me yet. I can't muscle past it but I can work smart and get the job done. I'm looking forward to exploring the feelings associated with this new endeavor - emotional AND physical feelings.
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