I was able to leave the office a little early today and I'm hanging out at my apartment. A little laundry, a little web-surfing, a little TV. Oprah Winfrey has a few celebrity guests on today. I perked up when Harry Connick, Jr. came on. I love that guy. In May he was given an honorary degree from Tulane University in New Orleans. I was at my son's graduation from Tulane Law for the Commencement Ceremony. Of course my son was the best looking guy in the arena, but Harry came in a close second.
Today he told Oprah what he considers the secret to the success of his marriage. "I realize that finding somebody that you can be with forever doesn't happen for everybody and I'm not gonna screw it up."
Is it that easy? Oh, Harry.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
It's So Coooool!
Distance: 3 miles
Start time: 6:05 am
Run Duration: 30 minutes (actually a little under, but who's counting?)
Pace: 10.00 minutes/mile
Temperature: 67 degrees
Humidity: 77%
Location: Memorial Park, Houston, TX
Beautiful morning for a run. It was sprinkling just a tiny bit when I got to my car but no rain at all at the park. I felt more like running this morning than I have in a long time. Last night I heard a bit of good news that really lifted my spirits. One of my friends has a great career opportunity, and while I'll miss her like crazy I'm so proud of her and I'm very excited for the doors that are opening for her.
Some days just turn out like that. Happy.
Cool!
Start time: 6:05 am
Run Duration: 30 minutes (actually a little under, but who's counting?)
Pace: 10.00 minutes/mile
Temperature: 67 degrees
Humidity: 77%
Location: Memorial Park, Houston, TX
Beautiful morning for a run. It was sprinkling just a tiny bit when I got to my car but no rain at all at the park. I felt more like running this morning than I have in a long time. Last night I heard a bit of good news that really lifted my spirits. One of my friends has a great career opportunity, and while I'll miss her like crazy I'm so proud of her and I'm very excited for the doors that are opening for her.
Some days just turn out like that. Happy.
Cool!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Shopping List "D"
Distance: 3 miles
Start time: 9:07 am
Run Duration: 32 minutes
Pace: 10.67 minutes/mile
Temperature: 68 degrees
Humidity: 85%
Location: Memorial Park, Houston, TX
I had a lot to think about this morning. I kind of got hit with it suddenly, so I decided to try to keep my mind busy with other things while I ran. I decided to create a list of things I'd buy if I had freedom to shop with all the time in the world, all the money in the world and latitude to bring whatever I wanted home.
For some reason I decided to have them start with the letter "D".
1. Diamonds. I've never been a huge diamond fan, but after watching the Emmy's on TV last weekend (flipping back and forth from the Cowboy's game) I found a few pair of earrings I'd like to have. They're attention-getter's for sure.
2. Donuts. I haven't had a donut since Hurricane Ike, when the Daylight Donut was one of the only places open after the storm. A donut sounds good this morning.
3. Dior. I've been spending time reading fashion magazines again. "W", "Glamour", and "Vogue". There are some beautiful Dior blouses for fall. Yummy.
4. Denzel Washington or Daniel Craig. Either will do.
5. A Divorced man who's had his Decree for at least 365 Days. Or a widower who lost his wife at least a Decade ago and he's Done grieving. Yes, Darlings...there's trouble in paradise...again...still. Update to follow.
Start time: 9:07 am
Run Duration: 32 minutes
Pace: 10.67 minutes/mile
Temperature: 68 degrees
Humidity: 85%
Location: Memorial Park, Houston, TX
I had a lot to think about this morning. I kind of got hit with it suddenly, so I decided to try to keep my mind busy with other things while I ran. I decided to create a list of things I'd buy if I had freedom to shop with all the time in the world, all the money in the world and latitude to bring whatever I wanted home.
For some reason I decided to have them start with the letter "D".
1. Diamonds. I've never been a huge diamond fan, but after watching the Emmy's on TV last weekend (flipping back and forth from the Cowboy's game) I found a few pair of earrings I'd like to have. They're attention-getter's for sure.
2. Donuts. I haven't had a donut since Hurricane Ike, when the Daylight Donut was one of the only places open after the storm. A donut sounds good this morning.
3. Dior. I've been spending time reading fashion magazines again. "W", "Glamour", and "Vogue". There are some beautiful Dior blouses for fall. Yummy.
4. Denzel Washington or Daniel Craig. Either will do.
5. A Divorced man who's had his Decree for at least 365 Days. Or a widower who lost his wife at least a Decade ago and he's Done grieving. Yes, Darlings...there's trouble in paradise...again...still. Update to follow.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Small Victories
Distance: 3 miles
Start time: 5:45 am
Run Duration: 32 minutes
Pace: 10.67 minutes/mile
Temperature: 77 degrees
Humidity: 92%
Location: Memorial Park, Houston, TX
We all need to win once in awhile.
1. I beat the rain this morning.
2. My lunch is packed. (I'll eat some time between breakfast and dinner.)
3. I slept beautifully last night.
4. Tom DeLay looked as ridiculous as I thought he would on "Dancing With the Stars".
Start time: 5:45 am
Run Duration: 32 minutes
Pace: 10.67 minutes/mile
Temperature: 77 degrees
Humidity: 92%
Location: Memorial Park, Houston, TX
We all need to win once in awhile.
1. I beat the rain this morning.
2. My lunch is packed. (I'll eat some time between breakfast and dinner.)
3. I slept beautifully last night.
4. Tom DeLay looked as ridiculous as I thought he would on "Dancing With the Stars".
Sunday, September 20, 2009
After the Crash
Distance: 3 miles
Start time: 9:45 am
Run Duration: 35 minutes
Pace: 11.67 minutes/mile
Temperature: 80 degrees
Humidity: 90%
Location: Memorial Park, Houston, TX
So I mostly ran, but I walked a little - as per special request.
I admit that I was a little fearful, even knowing that my cardiac tests are normal. Thoughts of Jim Fixx entered my mind as I set foot on the gravel path. (Completely illogical. Fixx certainly would have had positive tests if he'd gone through them and was a big-bad smoker before he became a running junkie.) Anyway, for just a few seconds I thought, "Wouldn't it be ironic if I crumped right here, the day after given the all clear." I had to put it aside and get on with it or I don't think I ever would have run again.
My dad, daughter and I were in Las Vegas a few years ago and witnessed a terrible scene. A drunk driver plowed through an intersection and took out 8 pedestrians. One. After. The. Other. It was horrific. My daughter and I provided triage and first aid to the best of our abilities. We left the scene after Fire and Rescue arrived and took the injured off our bloodied hands. Upon returning to Kansas I found that I was having trouble crossing streets and I certainly couldn't run without several forms of identification on me. I kept one in each pocket and one tied to my shoelace. I carried my cell phone with me when I ran.
I have the capacity to be hindered by my neuroreceptors. I express obsessive compulsiveness in that manner, obsessive thought. Sure, I have my little rituals: I count backwards from 100 when I run, knowing that I don't dare include zero in my litany. (I might die!) I must hit the PortAJohn directly before a race, even if I emptied my bladder only 10 minutes previously. Otherwise, I'll be thinking about it during the race and that's just not a good thing. I've tried it, it doesn't work for me. I also check locks, but only twice.
So as far as not being able to run, I was pretty sure that I had to run today or I wouldn't run again for a very long time.
I didn't feel any chest pain, but I had the same fatigue I've felt for months. I also realized that I clear my throat and cough quite a bit. I've been doing these things for a couple years and I thought it had to do with seasonal allergies, and I've been a little embarrassed at how noisy I am when I run. I guess it makes sense now. I'll get in to my doc and get spirometry and pulmonary function tests if he thinks it's indicated. I've had to use inhalers previously.
It's funny how we really can't see the forest for the trees sometimes. I couldn't even recognize my own symptoms. Not only that, but I chose to ignore them, to instead bury my head in denial. Not good, not good at all.
Lessons learned. Gratitude felt.
Start time: 9:45 am
Run Duration: 35 minutes
Pace: 11.67 minutes/mile
Temperature: 80 degrees
Humidity: 90%
Location: Memorial Park, Houston, TX
So I mostly ran, but I walked a little - as per special request.
I admit that I was a little fearful, even knowing that my cardiac tests are normal. Thoughts of Jim Fixx entered my mind as I set foot on the gravel path. (Completely illogical. Fixx certainly would have had positive tests if he'd gone through them and was a big-bad smoker before he became a running junkie.) Anyway, for just a few seconds I thought, "Wouldn't it be ironic if I crumped right here, the day after given the all clear." I had to put it aside and get on with it or I don't think I ever would have run again.
My dad, daughter and I were in Las Vegas a few years ago and witnessed a terrible scene. A drunk driver plowed through an intersection and took out 8 pedestrians. One. After. The. Other. It was horrific. My daughter and I provided triage and first aid to the best of our abilities. We left the scene after Fire and Rescue arrived and took the injured off our bloodied hands. Upon returning to Kansas I found that I was having trouble crossing streets and I certainly couldn't run without several forms of identification on me. I kept one in each pocket and one tied to my shoelace. I carried my cell phone with me when I ran.
I have the capacity to be hindered by my neuroreceptors. I express obsessive compulsiveness in that manner, obsessive thought. Sure, I have my little rituals: I count backwards from 100 when I run, knowing that I don't dare include zero in my litany. (I might die!) I must hit the PortAJohn directly before a race, even if I emptied my bladder only 10 minutes previously. Otherwise, I'll be thinking about it during the race and that's just not a good thing. I've tried it, it doesn't work for me. I also check locks, but only twice.
So as far as not being able to run, I was pretty sure that I had to run today or I wouldn't run again for a very long time.
I didn't feel any chest pain, but I had the same fatigue I've felt for months. I also realized that I clear my throat and cough quite a bit. I've been doing these things for a couple years and I thought it had to do with seasonal allergies, and I've been a little embarrassed at how noisy I am when I run. I guess it makes sense now. I'll get in to my doc and get spirometry and pulmonary function tests if he thinks it's indicated. I've had to use inhalers previously.
It's funny how we really can't see the forest for the trees sometimes. I couldn't even recognize my own symptoms. Not only that, but I chose to ignore them, to instead bury my head in denial. Not good, not good at all.
Lessons learned. Gratitude felt.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Heartfelt
Sometimes your day just doesn't go as planned. You get up, go to work with intentions of getting the job done, maybe having a little dinner, doing a little laundry. You're looking forward to a run on Saturday morning, and then...wham! I got whammed yesterday.
It was the kind of wham that happens when the wind has been playing with a door, pulling it back and forth on a breeze - toying with it until it slams it shut, forcing you to pay attention to the shatter of glass as a picture falls off a wall with the force of the blow.
I've been experiencing tiny jabs of chest pain when I run for the last two months. No shortness of breath. Thursday I had pain all day long and continued to work through two surgeries and on through a meeting at 5pm. I told a couple colleagues about it, chewed a couple aspirin and the pain went away. I thought everything was ok, except I was still ignoring the pain when I ran. Yesterday things got worse and I ended up leaving my clinic and checking myself into the emergency room. An overnight admission for observation, a sleepless night and multiple tests later show that I have a perfectly strong heart.
I've experienced the headache that comes from nitroglycerin. I know what it feels like to need to go to the bathroom and not to be able to reach the call light. I've heard a patient in the next stretcher bay suffer from what I knew must certainly be a pulmonary embolism - and I couldn't do a damned thing because I was only a patient, not a provider.
Now the good parts: A colleague dropped everything and got me checked into the ER. When I called a friend and told her where I was, she was at my bedside in 2 minutes. Literally 2 minutes. That's a bonus of being admitted to a hospital where I used to work. My children were quick to allow me to assure them by phone that I was OK and that they shouldn't disrupt their lives for the unknown. Shaking them up would cause me strife and they trusted me to give them the straight skinny on my condition. I appreciate that immensely. My personal physician rounded on me not once, but twice in 24 hours. He knows me and he knows my history. I felt safe in his care. When I called my sweetheart, he got in his car and he arrived at the hospital ASAP/STAT/really-really-fast. He made sure I had what I needed: pillows, blankets, a real salad instead of hospital food and Kleenex when I started to cry because toilet paper apparently isn't good enough for wiping the tears from my eyes.
I was frightened, but I tried to keep it together. I knew that anxiety would only make matters worse. The problem isn't my heart. It's most likely exercise induced asthma and it will be worked up as an outpatient. I couldn't imagine not being able to run. I've been cleared to exercise. Thank goodness and thank God.
After I was given the second dose of nitro (and the second whopping headache) last night, and as I lay facing the wall, trying not to cry - again - I heard these words, softly:
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen."
I have been on my own for a long time. It didn't come easy to turn this over, to allow myself to be cared for, but it wasn't as difficult this time as it might have been 2 years ago. My heart is finally open to feeling - everything.
It was the kind of wham that happens when the wind has been playing with a door, pulling it back and forth on a breeze - toying with it until it slams it shut, forcing you to pay attention to the shatter of glass as a picture falls off a wall with the force of the blow.
I've been experiencing tiny jabs of chest pain when I run for the last two months. No shortness of breath. Thursday I had pain all day long and continued to work through two surgeries and on through a meeting at 5pm. I told a couple colleagues about it, chewed a couple aspirin and the pain went away. I thought everything was ok, except I was still ignoring the pain when I ran. Yesterday things got worse and I ended up leaving my clinic and checking myself into the emergency room. An overnight admission for observation, a sleepless night and multiple tests later show that I have a perfectly strong heart.
I've experienced the headache that comes from nitroglycerin. I know what it feels like to need to go to the bathroom and not to be able to reach the call light. I've heard a patient in the next stretcher bay suffer from what I knew must certainly be a pulmonary embolism - and I couldn't do a damned thing because I was only a patient, not a provider.
Now the good parts: A colleague dropped everything and got me checked into the ER. When I called a friend and told her where I was, she was at my bedside in 2 minutes. Literally 2 minutes. That's a bonus of being admitted to a hospital where I used to work. My children were quick to allow me to assure them by phone that I was OK and that they shouldn't disrupt their lives for the unknown. Shaking them up would cause me strife and they trusted me to give them the straight skinny on my condition. I appreciate that immensely. My personal physician rounded on me not once, but twice in 24 hours. He knows me and he knows my history. I felt safe in his care. When I called my sweetheart, he got in his car and he arrived at the hospital ASAP/STAT/really-really-fast. He made sure I had what I needed: pillows, blankets, a real salad instead of hospital food and Kleenex when I started to cry because toilet paper apparently isn't good enough for wiping the tears from my eyes.
I was frightened, but I tried to keep it together. I knew that anxiety would only make matters worse. The problem isn't my heart. It's most likely exercise induced asthma and it will be worked up as an outpatient. I couldn't imagine not being able to run. I've been cleared to exercise. Thank goodness and thank God.
After I was given the second dose of nitro (and the second whopping headache) last night, and as I lay facing the wall, trying not to cry - again - I heard these words, softly:
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen."
I have been on my own for a long time. It didn't come easy to turn this over, to allow myself to be cared for, but it wasn't as difficult this time as it might have been 2 years ago. My heart is finally open to feeling - everything.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
ReRoute/ChangeUp/Detour. Pick Your Phrase.
Distance: 3 miles
Start time: 8:03 am
Run Duration: 31 minutes
Pace: 10.33 minutes/mile
Temperature: 75 degrees
Humidity: 82%
Location: Memorial Park, Houston, TX
It's been 9 days since my last run. I'm almost embarrassed to report this to you. It is what it is. Rain, laziness, crappy mood, these are my reasons. These are my excuses. Anyway, I'm back at it as of this morning. I didn't set my alarm because I didn't see any need. I knew the temperature wouldn't soar into the near-100's today.
As soon as I made the turn toward the Galleria, I saw the brake lights of a major traffic jam. Not good. I slowed to a creep and edged to the exit before I got stuck in the glue that was the 59/610 interchange. Thinking I'd make my way around on Kirby toward Memorial wasn't much better during Houston rush hour. I settled into the StopGoStopSomeMore and listened to NPR.
By the time I finally pulled into my parking space at the park, I was tired of the radio and decided I'd listen to my own breathing and footfalls while I ran. It was a good choice. I needed the time to think about a presentation I'm giving this afternoon. I need to go into work for a little while (it's my day off) and polish it a bit. Having music or talk in my ears this morning would have been distracting. I needed to spend time with myself. I was pretty disgusted at having downloaded my PowerPoint improperly. It's an easy fix and I've got a couple things to add to the talk that will make it all that much better. I wouldn't have believed it last night. Last night I thought I'd run into a brick wall and crashed with the project. I didn't see a way to salvage the wreck and I was considering talking without benefit of slides, old school.
No doubt I'll have to take more detours this week, next month and so on, and so on...
I better bookmark this page.
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