After the Crash

Distance: 3 miles
Start time: 9:45 am
Run Duration: 35 minutes
Pace: 11.67 minutes/mile
Temperature: 80 degrees
Humidity: 90%
Location: Memorial Park, Houston, TX

So I mostly ran, but I walked a little - as per special request.

I admit that I was a little fearful, even knowing that my cardiac tests are normal. Thoughts of Jim Fixx entered my mind as I set foot on the gravel path. (Completely illogical. Fixx certainly would have had positive tests if he'd gone through them and was a big-bad smoker before he became a running junkie.) Anyway, for just a few seconds I thought, "Wouldn't it be ironic if I crumped right here, the day after given the all clear." I had to put it aside and get on with it or I don't think I ever would have run again.

My dad, daughter and I were in Las Vegas a few years ago and witnessed a terrible scene. A drunk driver plowed through an intersection and took out 8 pedestrians. One. After. The. Other. It was horrific. My daughter and I provided triage and first aid to the best of our abilities. We left the scene after Fire and Rescue arrived and took the injured off our bloodied hands. Upon returning to Kansas I found that I was having trouble crossing streets and I certainly couldn't run without several forms of identification on me. I kept one in each pocket and one tied to my shoelace. I carried my cell phone with me when I ran.

I have the capacity to be hindered by my neuroreceptors. I express obsessive compulsiveness in that manner, obsessive thought. Sure, I have my little rituals: I count backwards from 100 when I run, knowing that I don't dare include zero in my litany. (I might die!) I must hit the PortAJohn directly before a race, even if I emptied my bladder only 10 minutes previously. Otherwise, I'll be thinking about it during the race and that's just not a good thing. I've tried it, it doesn't work for me. I also check locks, but only twice.

So as far as not being able to run, I was pretty sure that I had to run today or I wouldn't run again for a very long time.

I didn't feel any chest pain, but I had the same fatigue I've felt for months. I also realized that I clear my throat and cough quite a bit. I've been doing these things for a couple years and I thought it had to do with seasonal allergies, and I've been a little embarrassed at how noisy I am when I run. I guess it makes sense now. I'll get in to my doc and get spirometry and pulmonary function tests if he thinks it's indicated. I've had to use inhalers previously.

It's funny how we really can't see the forest for the trees sometimes. I couldn't even recognize my own symptoms. Not only that, but I chose to ignore them, to instead bury my head in denial. Not good, not good at all.

Lessons learned. Gratitude felt.