Where I Sit

I work in an office of women. Right, I'm not there so often. We're each, in our own time, off to the operating room or the clinic, but on rare occasions, we end up at our desks at the same time...all six of us. Our ages range from late 20's to late 50's. We've come to know each other quite well over the last year. That's when we underwent the most recent addition to our team.

Lately, some of the women in our office have been faced with incredibly difficult life challenges. Family issues are causing strife and pain. Those of us who are sitting in a comfortable place on any given day are doing our best, between patient phone calls and paperwork, to listen and show support.

I'm at one of those stages (blessed? lucky?) where things are going very well. I'm entirely aware of my circumstances. My children are healthy and seem to be doing quite well in school. I'm healthy and happy. My father is good. No problem looms so large as to cause me undue stress at this moment on my timeline. In fact things are going so well that one woman in my office accused me of living a "Golden Life". And she said it with a tinge of (my perception) bitterness, quickly followed by a laugh. I didn't quite know how to take that at first. But I am thankful, indeed.

I introspect. To the point of perseveration at times. But focusing on the good is OK, I suppose. The counterpoint is unthinkable.

In cleaning out the closets of my previous blog, I came across this entry from January. Seems that this feeling I have is not a flash in the pan. Thank God. Thank God.

Looking Back
1/29/2007 5:58:50 PM
Living in a state of peace and calm as I never would have imagined twenty, ten...even five years ago, I had to remind myself not to take it all for granted this morning. The temptation is strong to simply live in the moment. "Why look back?, Why not just accept things as wonderful and move on?" I came from a place of chaos, of disorder. It is almost as if another woman stepped in and took the place of me. She grew up and filled my shoes while I was busy scrambling to survive.
But I know. I know that this is not a fairy tale. This change has been born of mistakes and the sort of gut work that demands evaluation. That, and something else. For what gift is blind growth? I can not make an assumption of random benevolence. I believe there has been a partnership at work, shaping my past, my present and my future.
Examination of my steps, with acknowledgement of choices, mishaps and yes...I will admit it...at times dumb luck, with my responses to the same, may determine an even more satisfying horizon that I can only begin to allow myself to imagine.