Assist?

So, yeah. I think in numbers. And letters. I spell every conversation, every single one. It's a little glitch in my brain chemistry that started around puberty. I guess it's my special version of OCD. I also count backwards from one-hundred when I run. I can't get to zero because something dire might happen - like death. Maybe. I'm not sure. What I'd give for a Paxil cocktail some days...

Anyway, I think in numbers and letters. I've been writing this blog in one form or another for years and my follower count doesn't go up but I hear from people all the time, "I love your blog!" They're reading it. It's not the same eight people. Each time I log in, I think, "Maybe today will be the day I've got twenty followers." I never should have watched "Julie and Julia". That movie showed the author's follower number climb almost exponentially. Ack! It shouldn't matter, but it does to me.

It also irks me that I help promote other people and I get nothing. I'd make a shitty Buddhist. (Here is where I have to say that I DO get something. I just made a really terrible blanket statement. It's my EEEEE-GO talking.) I'm linked to blogs that also link to me. I'm just not feeling the love today. We all have days like that. Oops! There I go, using a work like "all" again.

Moving on:

Here's the good news. I've signed up for a four week Beginners Yoga class. I've been up and running or power walking four times this week. This morning's route took me past my office and I didn't get feelings of dread. This is a big deal. With my last job I avoided any proximity to work during my time off. There was that much stress associated with the job. Now I see a building where I work. I don't see a building where I don't want to be.

It's a Sunday morning hallelujah for the regrowth that I've been aching to feel. Moving on.




©Michelle Scofield, July 10, 2011 All Rights Reserved