Pressure Release

I used to thrive on conflict. I believe this to be true. If there was drama and shouting it was my version of the latest and greatest roller coaster at Worlds of Fun in Kansas City. I was either inching toward top emotionally or I was screaming my way toward the bottom. What changed was I moved to Texas where I had to spend time alone. I didn't have a ready audience for my tantrums. I was forced to spend time with myself.

Please understand. I haven't experienced an overnight cure of my ailment. It's taken many years, countless group and individual therapy sessions, and hours and hours of time spent listening to a small, still voice inside my head that really pisses me off when I wish it would just SPEAK UP, for God's sake, instead of whisper to me.

I have a very long way to go on my journey toward calm and I sometimes wonder if I'll run out of gas before I get there.

Tonight all I wanted to do was come home, kick off my shoes and grab a light bite of dinner before I go to yoga class. Yoga class. You know. It's that place where I allow myself to surrender to the peace that waits for me. Yoga class. It's that place where no one asks anything of me and I don't have to compete, not even with myself.

I pulled into my parking place and I was met by a new neighbor who was...waiting for me? In the parking garage? (Was this about the note I'd put on a windshield yesterday reminding someone that the spaces were reserved? At least I hadn't had someone towed.)

"Michelle? It's Michelle, right?"

"Right. How are you?"

"Great!" All smiles. "Hey, I need to apologize to you."

So, yeah. He and his wife have been parking in my spaces and he knows they're my spaces and would it be a problem if they continue to park in my spaces because I'm not here much and...

Gah!!!

No. It's simple. I'm paying a hell of a lot of money for this place. When I come home I want my spaces, in the covered parking, not in the sun, not in the rain. I want my guests to be able to follow my happy ass into the garage and park right next to me and not have to worry about parking.

I just smiled and told him that I'd like him not to park in my places. The thing is that I think I was smiling like the Joker from Batman. Really, I think Heath Ledger looked like Mother Teresa compared to me.

How I got wound so tightly over parking spaces flabbergasts me. Rather, how I let myself believe parking had anything (real) to do with feeling like the top of my head was going to blow off is what really flabbergasts me.

I could list the things that have been stacking up this week, but I won't. Let's just say it's a good thing I've signed up for pressure release. The opportunity to take a yoga class came at the right time. I'm sitting in gratitude for serendipity, and for my keyboard, and the motivation to use them.

©Michelle Scofield, July 13, 2011 All Rights Reserved