Convocation

The new academic year is upon us. All across America parents are watching their children go off to preschool, and fourth grade, and high school, and college. Pictures are being taken on front sidewalks. Backpacks and vehicles are packed for trips across town and across the country. Reality quickly steps in to replace anticipation as homework starts to add up along with the cost of extra-curricular activities and textbooks.

I'm watching many of my friends experience "firsts" this year. First child in grade school. First child in college. First time with no kids in the house. I try to remind myself that it wasn't that long ago that I was in their shoes.

I remember the day my daughter started kindergarten like it was yesterday. I sat at the kitchen table for three hours, just waiting for her to be home. I didn't want to hear everything that happened. I wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to have her chattering and moving around the house. I knew that she had passed a milestone in her development and I couldn't move along that road with her. I wanted things to be like they were the day before...until they would change all over again the next day. Like I said, it seems like yesterday. It was only 24 years ago. I obviously couldn't stop time from turning.

When my son left for college, he packed his belongings in the back of his pickup and drove himself to school. He wanted it that way and I put on a brave face, respecting his wishes. I hugged him, kissed him, told him I loved him and watched him drive down the road. I walked into the house and into the laundry room and saw one lonely piece of his laundry on the floor, fell to my knees and cried for hours. It's what I needed to do at the time. I wasn't brave. I was distraught. Somehow I managed to stand and move on through my own time, even thriving. As did he.

So in honor of the new academic year, a list of things that have helped me. To you, from me:


The question not asked is the one that will drive me crazy. The question asked more than once is the one that will drive them crazy.

If your child expresses an interest in music, do what you can to put an instrument in his/her hand.

A part-time job is a wonderful thing. So are scholarships. So are used cars.

Just because we raised them doesn't mean we consider the same things to be important. (This applies to cleaning, pets, romantic interests, holidays, clothing, on to infinity.)

Once they turn 18 they really DO have the rights and responsibilities of an adult.

Asking your child for advice and letting him/her see you follow it instills a great sense of trust that runs both ways.

Turning my phone off to get some sleep results in a terrible night's sleep for me.

Watching "Jackass" with my kids and laughing at the vulgarity was a great investment.

I'll never know for sure, but I think that telling my kids they would have to deal with any arrests by spending the night in jail meant they didn't spend the night in jail.

Finally, remember. Remember how you felt to be stretching yourself and trying new things. Remember the fear and the excitement. Remember that you didn't want to tell your parents everything. Besides if we know it all now, what will be left to spill at holiday dinners in front of their kids?


©Michelle Scofield, Aug. 28, 2011 All Rights Reserved