Explanation Not Necessary

I've had 5 days to contemplate my marathon run and the subsequent pain and suffering.  Yes, it's all that it's cracked up to be.

You know those grab bars next to toilets?  The ones screwed onto hospital walls so that people who are weak and frail can lift themselves up from a seated position?  Yeah, those.  Let's just say it's a damned good thing I work in a hospital.

My quadriceps were screaming like an Edvard Munch painting.  Walking down the 8 steps to my parked car caused me to groan deep - from the belly - like an injured beast.  Pretty impressive in an empty, multi-level garage.  The echoing moan was horrific.  I know this because I saw the look on a neighbor's face when he heard it.

For 48 hours, all I wanted to do was sleep but every time I rolled over, I woke with pain. 

Through the entire week I was eating nutritious meals.  I filled my plates with lean protein and colorful fruits and vegetables.  I drank gallons of water.  I kept telling myself that I was rebuilding muscle, that I was protecting my kidneys, that I was doing the right thing for my body which I now kind of, well, love.

And things started to get better.

I noticed that I was able to stand without wincing in pain.  I slept more than 3 hours at a time.  My headache went away. 

I made an appointment for a massage and although it was tough, it was the right thing to do.  I woke up the next morning and had only a trace of soreness.

Today I laced up my shoes and allowed myself 2 miles of light jogging interspersed with walking.  I didn't wear my Garmin.  I didn't listen to music or a podcast.  I lifted my face to the sun, I breathed, I moved, and I thought.

Here's the thing that's been circling my mind for the last week.  I've been trying to figure out how to define the personality shift I experienced in training for and running my first (and God help me only) full marathon.

Confidence.

Can I elaborate?  Not really.  It's just there.  I feel it.  I know it.  And that's all that I need from it.  For someone who dealt with "not enough" a good portion of her life, this will suffice.


©Michelle Scofield, January 18, 2013 All Rights Reserved