Do the Questions Have Meaning?

3.1 miles  32:55  avg pace 10:37 min/mile   (Enough time to think)


There's nothing like an impending birthday to stir Existential Crisis.  Perhaps I'm exaggerating.  I did a little research on the definition of "existential crisis".   My situation is more Question than Crisis.  But there are hella lot of questions.  And I've had hella lot of time to think them up.  I've been driving miles and miles (cue The Who on your radio dial) to cover clinics while another PA has been vacationing.  When National Public Radio goes into the second cycle of the day's news, I turn my radio over to classic rock and thus: The Who.  And Boston.  And Kansas.  And Blue Oyster Cult.

And I start feeling kinda old and I remember I'm going to be 54 this weekend and what am I accomplishing, where am I going, why am I still single, do I want to stay in Houston...and wait just a minute!

I'm only going to be 53.  Why do I keep thinking I'm going to be 54?  (Time out to do a little math and confirm this.)

Yeah.  I'm going to be 53.  And why does this really matter?

Why does anything really matter.  Oh, hell.  Here I go again. 

"All we are is dust in the wind."  I first saw Kansas in (I think) 1975.  They're playing at The Arena in Houston on May 31st.  I may have to buy a ticket.  But will it be the same?  Will I be bummed out like I was when I saw Chicago 30 years after the first time I saw them?  Or like that time I saw Average White Band not so long ago and I only paid 9 bucks for my ticket and that's what it was worth?  After "Cut the Cake" there wasn't anything worth hearing.

*sigh*

I listen to these bands while I drive to a job to do the same thing that I did the day before and I'll do again tomorrow. 

And then:  I meet a new patient who tells me a funny story about New York City, or about music, or about his awesome kids.  The only reason he opens up is because I said something about New York City, or about music, or about my awesome kids.  I did it yesterday and I'll do it again tomorrow.

Kansas happens to be opening for Blue Oyster Cult on May 31st.  Some things really don't change.  I'm sure I saw both bands that same summer back in Wichita.  Would I go back?  To that summer?  To 15?  Will seeing Kansas make me feel 15 again?  Is it worth the price of a ticket?

Now that's a question.   I'll add it to my list and think about it on my drive tomorrow. 


©Michelle Scofield, March 12, 2013 All Rights Reserved