Resting on the 11th Step

I've been forced to stop. Last night found me with profound fatigue. I forced myself onto the treadmill at 3:30 in the afternoon and then could barely keep my eyes open at 5pm. I knew I had to go to bed. I shut off my phone a little after 6 and tried to concentrate on my bedtime prayer as much as possible. I always ask God to watch over my children, my brothers, my father and my sweetheart. I'm not sure if I did this last night. I'm pretty sure I told Him that I was in His hands, I always do. I'm certain I told Him I was tired and I asked for relief and rest.

I fought sleep. I tossed and turned and I remember waking up in a cold sweat - more than once. I was soaked and I remember thinking that I might be sick, but I didn't have the energy to get out of bed and take my temperature or call anyone for help. I was that tired. I had no control. My need at that time, for those few hours was to remain in bed and to do nothing else.

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out."

Some might argue that I take this too literally. I'll let them. There is a reason certain steps are called up to me at certain times. This is one of those times. It is important for me to remain in contact with my Higher Power, to maintain my trust in His plan for me. I need to keep this in front of me, to not be deterred by outside negativity or distractions. I need to believe in His belief in me. These difficult days, these long nights are part of the lessons I am supposed to learn. If I am reminded of The Steps, it is best for me to stop and consider the reason.