For Company at 3am

On Solitude - Alexander Pope

"Happy the man, whose wish and care
A few paternal acres bound,
Content to breathe his native air,
In his own ground.

Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,
Whose flocks supply him with attire,
Whose trees in summer yield him shade,
In winter fire.

Blest! who can unconcern'dly find
Hours, days, and years slide soft away,
In health of body, peace of mind,
Quiet by day,

Sound sleep by night; study and ease
Together mix'd; sweet recreation,
And innocence, which most does please,
With meditation.

Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me dye;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lye."




Last night was a night most restless. Heh, I read a few poems from the 18th century and I switch up my diction. I needed someone to talk to. I was anxious and worried about a patient. I attempted to sleep and I woke myself almost hourly, thinking, "Don't forget." Today I was beat and my caffeine consumption tells the story of someone who struggled to get through the day. I made it but just barely. As it turns out, my worry was unnecessary. The potential problem I was pondering wasn't a problem at all. Sometimes it happens that way.

Anyway, at 3am I was wondering if I had someone with me, would I just be keeping that person awake? Or would it have helped to bounce my concern off of them (not the minutiae - but my CONCERN) before going to bed? If I'd have had the opportunity to decompress, might I have slept better? Who knows?

I tell myself I like my solitude. I tell myself I adore setting my own schedule and course in life. That's what I tell myself.

Then again, I put a lot of energy into sharing this life with others. I even write about being alone. This irony isn't lost on me.




©Michelle Scofield, June 15, 2011 All Rights Reserved