Unknown Origin

I took the afternoon off work to deal with business details that can't be handled on the weekend.  I tried to give myself plenty of time to make it home by 1pm and I still ended up sitting on the freeway for over half an hour.  Stuck.  Sitting in a snarl of traffic of unknown origin.  59 Highway was a crawling tangle for 30 minutes and then simply broke free.  Who knows why?

It was idiopathic.

There are so many details involved in a change of residence:  utilities to turn off and on, mail to forward, licenses and registrations to keep straight, etceteras to etcetera.

I think it's all taken care of.  I plugged away at it while the cable guy did what he needed to do.  The microwave guy never showed up.  That's ok.  I'm managing just fine with conventional culinary creation.  For now.

It will resolve when it resolves.

Between my phone calls and his phone calls, the cable guy and I had a nice conversation.  He's a hard-working man from Beaumont, TX.  We talked a little about a lot.  We both agreed that the United States is in a hella mess right now and it would be extra-sweet if people would just respect each other and treat their fellow humans as they'd like to be treated themselves.

Some things can't be negotiated. 

My personal possessions have been pared down by about half.  It was a huge undertaking.  I'm still making daily trips to Goodwill and the attendants at the collection site no longer act surprised when I pull up after work and pop my trunk to drop off a couple boxes. 

I think there's a book in here - in this experience. 

Who am I kidding?  A month and a half ago I was planning a trip to Europe as well as a trip to Oregon.  I knew I would be moving back to Houston.  Now I'm working through estrangement from my oldest child and I've made a massive adjustment in my lifestyle.

Of course there's a story there. 

The problem is...I still don't know what the story is.  I've been extremely busy just trying to live - to survive - while the story goes on around me.  Those who are closest to me have reached out and literally held me up and supported me while I've trudged through this.

I've done a few things for myself.  I've reached out to others in similar situations.  I've sought counseling. I've learned that most people keep these events secret.  They are embarrassed.  They become cloistered and no one knows what happened.  No one knows why they changed. 

No one knows.

I'm not asking for intervention, or even for help.  I just want you to know that it's happened.  And, yes.  I've changed.  But I'm moving through the pain and the slice to the heart. 

I'm here.  And I'm moving on.

Love, love. 




©Michelle Scofield, June 28, 2013 All Rights Reserved