My Circled Path

Distance: 3 miles
Start time: 10:15 am
Run Duration: 29:30 minutes
Pace: 9.77 minutes/mile
Temperature: 78 degrees (air conditioned)
Humidity: ?
Location: Gym at my apartment complex

"Are you in town and are you hungry?"

"Yes, and yes."

We arranged to meet at four and we didn't shut ourselves down until close to ten. The plan was to take advantage of happy hour at our favorite sushi place, save a little cash while we caught up on her recent travels (Paris!) and have a couple dollar-fifty saki while we were at it. Happy hour didn't start until five, so we passed the time with edamame and hot rice wine and then ordered off the special menu when the place started to fill up with other cost-conscious diners. We'd had time to fill each other in on the occurrences of the last month or so and to put out the words that we needed someone to hear.

Lonely. Worried. Angry. Surprised. Afraid. Hurt. Sad. Sad. Sad.

We've known each other for six years. We've been through ups and downs where we wondered if our friendship would survive. We always have.

We are both grieving. But we are both survivors.

We finished our dinner and realized it was still quite early. I told her that I planned to run in the morning. She smiled, "That's going to be difficult if we move on to someplace else tonight."

We moved on to another place, and another. We ended up in a quiet spot listening to beautiful music, jazz piano and bass. It's the same spot where I met the man who would eventually cause me to spend so much time in sadness. Life is such a circled path. I asked for a glass of the wine I've enjoyed there countless times. They've taken it off the menu. It was time for a new choice.

She and I poured over the menu, she asked me about why I would choose one wine over another, what makes a cab a cab, a merlot a merlot...it was just the discussion I used to love to have. It was just the discussion I still love to have, I'd simply forgotten. I settled on a peppery shiraz.

Our conversation was interrupted when I heard the pianist break into the full perfect chords of Bacharach's "This Guy's In Love". I turned toward him and smiled and he seemed surprised that anyone would recognize the song. It's always been one of my favorites. I asked him to play "Nature Boy" by Eden Ahbez, popularized by Nat King Cole. He did. It was lovely. I felt myself healing a bit last night.

Two women sat together last night. One experienced the death of her father, a break so fierce that time and distance have been necessary to firm her up again, to allow her to sit with her beautiful smile and shine outwardly. One experienced another kind of death, perhaps only perceived, but a death all the same. Time and distance have allowed her to hear the music that she loves and let it soften the heart she has hardened against future assault.

Jumping on the treadmill this morning wasn't necessarily easy. One saki, one martini and a glass of wine. Much, much water. I'm smart enough not to have done this in the heat.

Today I lift up my gratitude for Bevilee and for our continuing friendship after all these years.