Tuesday Evening

Distance: 6 miles
Start time: 6:45 pm
Run Duration: 1 hour 12 minutes
Pace: 12 minutes/mile
Temperature: 90 degrees
Humidity: 72%
Location: Memorial Park, Houston

I wavered. Should I run tonight - in the heat - or wake up early on my day off and brave rush hour traffic. I opted to hydrate as much as possible, enjoy a wholewheat pasta salad and head for the park. I got stuck in traffic anyway. I very much didn't want to give up a chance to sleep in tomorrow.

It wasn't so bad. I was hot, but not miserable. I'm finding that my body isn't the problem. It's my mind. I had my MP3 player with me and my old favorite music was distracting, even disturbing. I was becoming sad as I ran, and I started to run out of steam. I actually felt the urge to walk and did so for about a quarter of a mile. I finally turned off the music at mile 4, listening instead to my footfalls. Almost immediately, running became easier. I needed to get away from words and associating my run with my life situation.

In the past I've used exercise as a way to not deal with the emotions that are constantly welling up within me. I've used food in the same way. I don't have what I need to solve certain problems at this time. Basically I can't solve the problems. Only time will. This is an old problem for me. I see a problem, I want to solve it. I want to act. If I can't, I want to do something. I find it difficult to sit still.

This knowledge (of the need to act) can only be helpful to me. I need to remember to identify my motivation for action in order to stay out of trouble with this training.

As I sat in a huge traffic jam trying to drive out of the park, a cool breeze blew through my open windows and I was hit with a feeling of pure joy. I don't know if it was from endorphins or what. I only know I felt happy and free. Lovely. I want more.