I took my time reading Say Her Name by Francisco Goldman. I heard a review on National Public Radio and thought it might be a book worth spending time with but I recently went through a difficult grief journey of my own and it made me cautious about diving into Mr. Goldman's story. I bought the book and read the first few pages then set it aside for a couple months. Once I picked it up again, I didn't push through to the end like I often do with novels. I read five or six pages at a time. It was a heavy, dark, and very sad book.
It's been eighteen months since my dad died and I'm finally beginning to feel more like my old self. As I closed in on the final pages of "Say Her Name", I found one paragraph that felt particularly familiar to me. The author talks about falling on some stairs and his absolute need to stand and recover from that fall without assistance from those who witnessed the fall.
"One of the most common tropes and complaints in the grief books I've read is about the loneliness of the griever, because people and society seem unable, for the various reasons always listed in those books, to accommodate such pain. But what could anybody possibly do or say to help?...You have to, can only, live this on your own."
Goldman bared his emotions: the guilt, the sorrow, the misgivings, the anger. Mostly the guilt. He also did it while telling a beautiful love story and he managed to pay tribute to his wife who was also coming into her own as a writer at the time of her death.
It's a well-written book and I was only minimally surprised when I clicked on the author's Facebook page and saw on his list of friends, Junot Diaz - one of my favorites. Diaz wrote The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, a first novel which happened to win the Pulitzer Prize for fiction. Loved it!
I have plenty of wonderful authors on my Facebook Friends list. Today I received a package in the mail. War Remains is by my friend, Jeffrey Miller. I'm anxious to get started on it. Review will be here. Soon. Promise.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Drought
We watch summer sky
to see if splish will be splash.
Dark clouds hold our breath.
©Michelle Scofield, July 29, 2011 All Rights Reserved
to see if splish will be splash.
Dark clouds hold our breath.
©Michelle Scofield, July 29, 2011 All Rights Reserved
Saturday, July 23, 2011
A Different Path
Right. It's hot. No run at 7:30 this morning. I decided to take a walk with my camera. It was time to explore my new surroundings. I headed in some direction, either north, south, east or the other one. I have no inner compass and only know that if I go one way and turn around 180 degrees, I'll end up back where I started. That was my plan. I didn't take my cell phone, no Run-Keeper application for me this morning. I had my watch and a general idea of how long I wanted to be out in the steaminess.
It wasn't bad. I stuck mostly to the shade and there wasn't a lot of traffic except on Highway 6 where I'd decided to cross over and check out the other side. Like that chicken who didn't know where she was going. Oh, I forgot to tell you. It's about the birds today. Kind of.
The first street took me to a dead end. No signs indicating so, of course. That was okay. I didn't have a plan or a destination in mind. I knew there was a lake somewhere in the area but didn't know how to get to it. I didn't expect to see this family walking down the sidewalk next to me. I kept my distance. The mom and dad seemed to have their hands (feet? wings?) full just keeping track of so many of them.
They were the picture of nurture. Which brings me to:
I call it, "Nature vs Nurture". Beautiful Spanish Moss growing on the trees next to the road and my least favorite (migraine-inducing) restaurant in the world. It's where the road ended and I turned around and made my way back to the highway to continue my walk. May I never see the Sugar Land ChuckECheese again. I felt a cold chill being near it. I'm sure my kids enjoyed it when they were young. It's one of those parental things we do (giant rodent pizza parlors), but I loved taking them to the museums and parks so much more. Sorry kids, I have a feeling I gritted my teeth more than I should have in those days and you no doubt saw it. I wasn't always a good mama duck.
I found a small man-made lake on the next street and spent a few minutes trying to take a picture of a clever little duck who paddled one way and the other, back and forth past tree branches. I knelt in one spot and waited. He was quick and seemed to smile each time I missed him. It was such a pretty scene and he wasn't having any part of it. Silly duck.
I sighed and stood up, listening to my bones creak, wondering if the duck was laughing at that, too. That's when I saw what had been in front of me the entire time - this.
Fungus. It's one of those, "Oh. My. God." shots. So glad I had my camera. I have about 25 shots to work with - all different angles. Ups, downs, waters, woods, grasses. It's beautiful, just growing all by itself there on that tree.
On the way home I saw this bird sitting high above the mall parking lot. I told myself that he'd been flying around all morning and wanted to hang out and look around but was so smart he found the one bulb that was burned out and thought, "Yeah, it's still hot, but this perch is just a little cooler than the rest. It's really beautiful up here. I'm just going to hang out and look around for awhile." Or maybe he was just a bird that landed on a tall place.
©Michelle Scofield, July 23, 2011 All Rights Reserved
It wasn't bad. I stuck mostly to the shade and there wasn't a lot of traffic except on Highway 6 where I'd decided to cross over and check out the other side. Like that chicken who didn't know where she was going. Oh, I forgot to tell you. It's about the birds today. Kind of.
The first street took me to a dead end. No signs indicating so, of course. That was okay. I didn't have a plan or a destination in mind. I knew there was a lake somewhere in the area but didn't know how to get to it. I didn't expect to see this family walking down the sidewalk next to me. I kept my distance. The mom and dad seemed to have their hands (feet? wings?) full just keeping track of so many of them.
They were the picture of nurture. Which brings me to:
I call it, "Nature vs Nurture". Beautiful Spanish Moss growing on the trees next to the road and my least favorite (migraine-inducing) restaurant in the world. It's where the road ended and I turned around and made my way back to the highway to continue my walk. May I never see the Sugar Land ChuckECheese again. I felt a cold chill being near it. I'm sure my kids enjoyed it when they were young. It's one of those parental things we do (giant rodent pizza parlors), but I loved taking them to the museums and parks so much more. Sorry kids, I have a feeling I gritted my teeth more than I should have in those days and you no doubt saw it. I wasn't always a good mama duck.
I found a small man-made lake on the next street and spent a few minutes trying to take a picture of a clever little duck who paddled one way and the other, back and forth past tree branches. I knelt in one spot and waited. He was quick and seemed to smile each time I missed him. It was such a pretty scene and he wasn't having any part of it. Silly duck.
I sighed and stood up, listening to my bones creak, wondering if the duck was laughing at that, too. That's when I saw what had been in front of me the entire time - this.
Fungus. It's one of those, "Oh. My. God." shots. So glad I had my camera. I have about 25 shots to work with - all different angles. Ups, downs, waters, woods, grasses. It's beautiful, just growing all by itself there on that tree.
On the way home I saw this bird sitting high above the mall parking lot. I told myself that he'd been flying around all morning and wanted to hang out and look around but was so smart he found the one bulb that was burned out and thought, "Yeah, it's still hot, but this perch is just a little cooler than the rest. It's really beautiful up here. I'm just going to hang out and look around for awhile." Or maybe he was just a bird that landed on a tall place.
©Michelle Scofield, July 23, 2011 All Rights Reserved
Friday, July 22, 2011
Crickets
Of course it's hot, it's July 22, smack dab in the middle of summer. I've come to expect Houston to be sticky and mostly miserable this time of year but everyone runs their air conditioners to maximum capacity so it feels wonderful to step into almost any building and be hit with that aaaaahhh of cold air.
We're being overrun by crickets. They're everywhere. You can't walk down a hallway or sidewalk without seeing several. I've done a little reading on them and I guess they're trying to escape the heat just like the rest of us. They want to get into cool, damp places - that would be anywhere but the blazing streets and yards.
They feed at night and early morning. I must have been a real sight yesterday morning when - after a 5am run in the dark - I walked through the back entrance of my building and stirred up about forty of them. They all jumped. I jumped. They jumped some more. I let out a string of curse words. I'm going to have a stroke one day from a bird or insect startle. I just know it. Freaking nature.
I've also read a little about the insecticide used to get rid of crickets. That takes a little investigation. I discovered that many of them (Pyrethroids) are based off of the chrysanthemum flower and are listed as "safe" for humans but that their mechanism of action for pests is by causing paralysis at the sodium channels of the nervous system. Seems simple enough...read a little more...oh, there are dangerous levels of these chemicals in some waterways. Freaking chemistry. Why do I read these things?
Along the way in my cricket research I found a video of a cricket fight with people wagering money on which fierce battling cricket would win. There must be other ways to spend a Friday night. I'm considering heading out my back door to listen to more music on the Town Square. Last night was a great evening of jazz and it was made even better when a friend showed up. I hadn't seen her for several months. She promptly introduced me to a very handsome man, insisting that we should know each other. She has this way about her, very insistent. So we'll see. He has my number. And would you believe? He called today. Jiminy!
©Michelle Scofield, July 22, 2011 All Rights Reserved
We're being overrun by crickets. They're everywhere. You can't walk down a hallway or sidewalk without seeing several. I've done a little reading on them and I guess they're trying to escape the heat just like the rest of us. They want to get into cool, damp places - that would be anywhere but the blazing streets and yards.
They feed at night and early morning. I must have been a real sight yesterday morning when - after a 5am run in the dark - I walked through the back entrance of my building and stirred up about forty of them. They all jumped. I jumped. They jumped some more. I let out a string of curse words. I'm going to have a stroke one day from a bird or insect startle. I just know it. Freaking nature.
I've also read a little about the insecticide used to get rid of crickets. That takes a little investigation. I discovered that many of them (Pyrethroids) are based off of the chrysanthemum flower and are listed as "safe" for humans but that their mechanism of action for pests is by causing paralysis at the sodium channels of the nervous system. Seems simple enough...read a little more...oh, there are dangerous levels of these chemicals in some waterways. Freaking chemistry. Why do I read these things?
Along the way in my cricket research I found a video of a cricket fight with people wagering money on which fierce battling cricket would win. There must be other ways to spend a Friday night. I'm considering heading out my back door to listen to more music on the Town Square. Last night was a great evening of jazz and it was made even better when a friend showed up. I hadn't seen her for several months. She promptly introduced me to a very handsome man, insisting that we should know each other. She has this way about her, very insistent. So we'll see. He has my number. And would you believe? He called today. Jiminy!
©Michelle Scofield, July 22, 2011 All Rights Reserved
Monday, July 18, 2011
Monday Recap
The Good:
I chose to reboot with a 24 hour juice fast. (Note to the trend-speakers out there: it's not a fast if you're taking calories.)
To break the fast I had a tuna on whole wheat sandwich (before yoga class). It was the best food I've tasted in ages!
No coffee since yesterday at breakfast - no caffeine in any form.
Lots of water.
I ran this morning before work.
I'm still kicking and I don't have a headache. High five to myself!
The Bad:
I feel a scratchy throat thingy coming on. I'm going to try to ignore it. I've had enough vitamins in the last 24 hours to kill Ebola. My OCD is fixed on a stinky pillow at the hotel this weekend. I don't think it was Ebola, maybe some other horrendous virus. What if it's yellow fever? Or Dengue? I know they aren't transmitted by pillow but my imagination is running rampant now. I guess this isn't the best way to ignore it. Ack!
The Ugly: Super Glue? Really? Yeah, I was trying to fix something and I got superglue on my hand. No, I didn't stick my fingers together but I'll have to wait a couple days for this stuff to grow off. It kind of looks like the skin on my left hand is doing a sexy little sluff. Hot stuff.
I chose to reboot with a 24 hour juice fast. (Note to the trend-speakers out there: it's not a fast if you're taking calories.)
To break the fast I had a tuna on whole wheat sandwich (before yoga class). It was the best food I've tasted in ages!
No coffee since yesterday at breakfast - no caffeine in any form.
Lots of water.
I ran this morning before work.
I'm still kicking and I don't have a headache. High five to myself!
The Bad:
I feel a scratchy throat thingy coming on. I'm going to try to ignore it. I've had enough vitamins in the last 24 hours to kill Ebola. My OCD is fixed on a stinky pillow at the hotel this weekend. I don't think it was Ebola, maybe some other horrendous virus. What if it's yellow fever? Or Dengue? I know they aren't transmitted by pillow but my imagination is running rampant now. I guess this isn't the best way to ignore it. Ack!
The Ugly: Super Glue? Really? Yeah, I was trying to fix something and I got superglue on my hand. No, I didn't stick my fingers together but I'll have to wait a couple days for this stuff to grow off. It kind of looks like the skin on my left hand is doing a sexy little sluff. Hot stuff.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Reboot
I'm winding down this weekend. Considering putting in a movie that's been sitting on the shelf for a few days. If I do, chances are I'll fall asleep in my chair. Better set the alarm clock on LOUD, just in case.
Friday night was fun. I listened to some music outside at Town Square. My friend, Ken, showed up and we sat in our lawn chairs watching the kids turn cartwheels while we enjoyed the whiff of breeze that played through the buildings and teased us, making us think it was much cooler than the 85 degrees it was.
I woke early yesterday morning and drove into Houston to pick up Daryl so we could drive to Austin. I wanted to browse through some shops and galleries. We made the trip in great time. It was the first road trip for my new car and I've got to say that it handles beautifully. Daryl and I talked most of the way there. He has a way of helping me work through issues without getting worked up. I value his friendship so much.
We spent most of our time on Commerce and 6th streets, taking time for a yummy Tex-Mex lunch. I found a beautiful painting that I'm excited to hang in my dining room. It's one of the first figure works I've purchased and I think it's a great addition to my collection. It's also on paper, not canvas. I'm trying to think of the best way to display it. I could have it custom framed but at this point I'd like to do something a little more primitive. Still thinking...
As soon as we returned to the hotel room I shared my good news ("New Art!") via Facebook with my friends and family. It's so much fun for me to hear back from them that they're as excited as I am. Well, maybe they're not as excited as I am but they support me in my addiction and I appreciate that. It's really fun for me to hear from artists who support me purchasing art from other artists. I have one friend (Edgar) who is just about the most positive person I know. I will tell you that he is one of the people that Daryl and I really talked up when we were making the rounds in Austin.
Dinner last night was the only real disappointment in the trip, although there was something to be gained from the experience, to be certain. The food was way too salty for me and the crowd at the restaurant was unusually loud. Most of the time these things don't bother me so much.
I think I've reached some tipping point, a point of saturation. I've been taking yoga classes and have been doing a lot of reading about juice and raw foods. I'm not one to go overboard on an all-or-nothing diet but I think last night's dinner was an alarm in my head that was telling me that I just can't/won't eat that kind of food anymore - at least not regularly.
I went to the grocery store today and bought a couple days' supply of fresh produce and pulled the juicer out. Lunch and dinner were fresh fruits/veggies - in a glass.
Like I said, I won't go overboard but I think a few days of giving my body a break from the toxins of the outside world wouldn't be such a bad thing. I told Daryl I've got a new story idea that is begging to be written. I have two on the back burner. There's yoga classes twice a week. I can surround myself with really great people which isn't so hard considering my group of friends. I've decided not to go to the memorial service for my friend, Joan. She knew how I felt and I know she'd understand.
So the week's theme will be: starting over in a healthy, gentle way. This is the intention I'm setting and I'm giving myself the leeway to let myself slide into the place I need to be.
Friday night was fun. I listened to some music outside at Town Square. My friend, Ken, showed up and we sat in our lawn chairs watching the kids turn cartwheels while we enjoyed the whiff of breeze that played through the buildings and teased us, making us think it was much cooler than the 85 degrees it was.
I woke early yesterday morning and drove into Houston to pick up Daryl so we could drive to Austin. I wanted to browse through some shops and galleries. We made the trip in great time. It was the first road trip for my new car and I've got to say that it handles beautifully. Daryl and I talked most of the way there. He has a way of helping me work through issues without getting worked up. I value his friendship so much.
We spent most of our time on Commerce and 6th streets, taking time for a yummy Tex-Mex lunch. I found a beautiful painting that I'm excited to hang in my dining room. It's one of the first figure works I've purchased and I think it's a great addition to my collection. It's also on paper, not canvas. I'm trying to think of the best way to display it. I could have it custom framed but at this point I'd like to do something a little more primitive. Still thinking...
As soon as we returned to the hotel room I shared my good news ("New Art!") via Facebook with my friends and family. It's so much fun for me to hear back from them that they're as excited as I am. Well, maybe they're not as excited as I am but they support me in my addiction and I appreciate that. It's really fun for me to hear from artists who support me purchasing art from other artists. I have one friend (Edgar) who is just about the most positive person I know. I will tell you that he is one of the people that Daryl and I really talked up when we were making the rounds in Austin.
Dinner last night was the only real disappointment in the trip, although there was something to be gained from the experience, to be certain. The food was way too salty for me and the crowd at the restaurant was unusually loud. Most of the time these things don't bother me so much.
I think I've reached some tipping point, a point of saturation. I've been taking yoga classes and have been doing a lot of reading about juice and raw foods. I'm not one to go overboard on an all-or-nothing diet but I think last night's dinner was an alarm in my head that was telling me that I just can't/won't eat that kind of food anymore - at least not regularly.
I went to the grocery store today and bought a couple days' supply of fresh produce and pulled the juicer out. Lunch and dinner were fresh fruits/veggies - in a glass.
Like I said, I won't go overboard but I think a few days of giving my body a break from the toxins of the outside world wouldn't be such a bad thing. I told Daryl I've got a new story idea that is begging to be written. I have two on the back burner. There's yoga classes twice a week. I can surround myself with really great people which isn't so hard considering my group of friends. I've decided not to go to the memorial service for my friend, Joan. She knew how I felt and I know she'd understand.
So the week's theme will be: starting over in a healthy, gentle way. This is the intention I'm setting and I'm giving myself the leeway to let myself slide into the place I need to be.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Pressure Release
I used to thrive on conflict. I believe this to be true. If there was drama and shouting it was my version of the latest and greatest roller coaster at Worlds of Fun in Kansas City. I was either inching toward top emotionally or I was screaming my way toward the bottom. What changed was I moved to Texas where I had to spend time alone. I didn't have a ready audience for my tantrums. I was forced to spend time with myself.
Please understand. I haven't experienced an overnight cure of my ailment. It's taken many years, countless group and individual therapy sessions, and hours and hours of time spent listening to a small, still voice inside my head that really pisses me off when I wish it would just SPEAK UP, for God's sake, instead of whisper to me.
I have a very long way to go on my journey toward calm and I sometimes wonder if I'll run out of gas before I get there.
Tonight all I wanted to do was come home, kick off my shoes and grab a light bite of dinner before I go to yoga class. Yoga class. You know. It's that place where I allow myself to surrender to the peace that waits for me. Yoga class. It's that place where no one asks anything of me and I don't have to compete, not even with myself.
I pulled into my parking place and I was met by a new neighbor who was...waiting for me? In the parking garage? (Was this about the note I'd put on a windshield yesterday reminding someone that the spaces were reserved? At least I hadn't had someone towed.)
"Michelle? It's Michelle, right?"
"Right. How are you?"
"Great!" All smiles. "Hey, I need to apologize to you."
So, yeah. He and his wife have been parking in my spaces and he knows they're my spaces and would it be a problem if they continue to park in my spaces because I'm not here much and...
Gah!!!
No. It's simple. I'm paying a hell of a lot of money for this place. When I come home I want my spaces, in the covered parking, not in the sun, not in the rain. I want my guests to be able to follow my happy ass into the garage and park right next to me and not have to worry about parking.
I just smiled and told him that I'd like him not to park in my places. The thing is that I think I was smiling like the Joker from Batman. Really, I think Heath Ledger looked like Mother Teresa compared to me.
How I got wound so tightly over parking spaces flabbergasts me. Rather, how I let myself believe parking had anything (real) to do with feeling like the top of my head was going to blow off is what really flabbergasts me.
I could list the things that have been stacking up this week, but I won't. Let's just say it's a good thing I've signed up for pressure release. The opportunity to take a yoga class came at the right time. I'm sitting in gratitude for serendipity, and for my keyboard, and the motivation to use them.
©Michelle Scofield, July 13, 2011 All Rights Reserved
Please understand. I haven't experienced an overnight cure of my ailment. It's taken many years, countless group and individual therapy sessions, and hours and hours of time spent listening to a small, still voice inside my head that really pisses me off when I wish it would just SPEAK UP, for God's sake, instead of whisper to me.
I have a very long way to go on my journey toward calm and I sometimes wonder if I'll run out of gas before I get there.
Tonight all I wanted to do was come home, kick off my shoes and grab a light bite of dinner before I go to yoga class. Yoga class. You know. It's that place where I allow myself to surrender to the peace that waits for me. Yoga class. It's that place where no one asks anything of me and I don't have to compete, not even with myself.
I pulled into my parking place and I was met by a new neighbor who was...waiting for me? In the parking garage? (Was this about the note I'd put on a windshield yesterday reminding someone that the spaces were reserved? At least I hadn't had someone towed.)
"Michelle? It's Michelle, right?"
"Right. How are you?"
"Great!" All smiles. "Hey, I need to apologize to you."
So, yeah. He and his wife have been parking in my spaces and he knows they're my spaces and would it be a problem if they continue to park in my spaces because I'm not here much and...
Gah!!!
No. It's simple. I'm paying a hell of a lot of money for this place. When I come home I want my spaces, in the covered parking, not in the sun, not in the rain. I want my guests to be able to follow my happy ass into the garage and park right next to me and not have to worry about parking.
I just smiled and told him that I'd like him not to park in my places. The thing is that I think I was smiling like the Joker from Batman. Really, I think Heath Ledger looked like Mother Teresa compared to me.
How I got wound so tightly over parking spaces flabbergasts me. Rather, how I let myself believe parking had anything (real) to do with feeling like the top of my head was going to blow off is what really flabbergasts me.
I could list the things that have been stacking up this week, but I won't. Let's just say it's a good thing I've signed up for pressure release. The opportunity to take a yoga class came at the right time. I'm sitting in gratitude for serendipity, and for my keyboard, and the motivation to use them.
©Michelle Scofield, July 13, 2011 All Rights Reserved
Monday, July 11, 2011
You Will Be Missed
3/12/2007 8:56:23 PM
For sweet voices and the gift of familiar converse, I am grateful.
For time spent 'round the table, I am grateful.
For answers attempted to questions stammered, I am grateful.
For allowing tears to fall when they must, I am grateful.
For each day old friends grow older still - together, I am grateful.
For the opening of a circle to form one anew, I am grateful.
For yesterday, for today, for tonight, for tomorrow, I am grateful.
Nothing has changed...but everything. Goodbye, Joanie. You will be in my heart forever.
For sweet voices and the gift of familiar converse, I am grateful.
For time spent 'round the table, I am grateful.
For answers attempted to questions stammered, I am grateful.
For allowing tears to fall when they must, I am grateful.
For each day old friends grow older still - together, I am grateful.
For the opening of a circle to form one anew, I am grateful.
For yesterday, for today, for tonight, for tomorrow, I am grateful.
Nothing has changed...but everything. Goodbye, Joanie. You will be in my heart forever.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Assist?
So, yeah. I think in numbers. And letters. I spell every conversation, every single one. It's a little glitch in my brain chemistry that started around puberty. I guess it's my special version of OCD. I also count backwards from one-hundred when I run. I can't get to zero because something dire might happen - like death. Maybe. I'm not sure. What I'd give for a Paxil cocktail some days...
Anyway, I think in numbers and letters. I've been writing this blog in one form or another for years and my follower count doesn't go up but I hear from people all the time, "I love your blog!" They're reading it. It's not the same eight people. Each time I log in, I think, "Maybe today will be the day I've got twenty followers." I never should have watched "Julie and Julia". That movie showed the author's follower number climb almost exponentially. Ack! It shouldn't matter, but it does to me.
It also irks me that I help promote other people and I get nothing. I'd make a shitty Buddhist. (Here is where I have to say that I DO get something. I just made a really terrible blanket statement. It's my EEEEE-GO talking.) I'm linked to blogs that also link to me. I'm just not feeling the love today. We all have days like that. Oops! There I go, using a work like "all" again.
Moving on:
Here's the good news. I've signed up for a four week Beginners Yoga class. I've been up and running or power walking four times this week. This morning's route took me past my office and I didn't get feelings of dread. This is a big deal. With my last job I avoided any proximity to work during my time off. There was that much stress associated with the job. Now I see a building where I work. I don't see a building where I don't want to be.
It's a Sunday morning hallelujah for the regrowth that I've been aching to feel. Moving on.
©Michelle Scofield, July 10, 2011 All Rights Reserved
Anyway, I think in numbers and letters. I've been writing this blog in one form or another for years and my follower count doesn't go up but I hear from people all the time, "I love your blog!" They're reading it. It's not the same eight people. Each time I log in, I think, "Maybe today will be the day I've got twenty followers." I never should have watched "Julie and Julia". That movie showed the author's follower number climb almost exponentially. Ack! It shouldn't matter, but it does to me.
It also irks me that I help promote other people and I get nothing. I'd make a shitty Buddhist. (Here is where I have to say that I DO get something. I just made a really terrible blanket statement. It's my EEEEE-GO talking.) I'm linked to blogs that also link to me. I'm just not feeling the love today. We all have days like that. Oops! There I go, using a work like "all" again.
Moving on:
Here's the good news. I've signed up for a four week Beginners Yoga class. I've been up and running or power walking four times this week. This morning's route took me past my office and I didn't get feelings of dread. This is a big deal. With my last job I avoided any proximity to work during my time off. There was that much stress associated with the job. Now I see a building where I work. I don't see a building where I don't want to be.
It's a Sunday morning hallelujah for the regrowth that I've been aching to feel. Moving on.
©Michelle Scofield, July 10, 2011 All Rights Reserved
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Exposed
Feeling purple but not in my favorite Prince way. Someone (some counselor?) told me I may think in numbers, like some people think in colors. Today I'm feeling a color.
"What's in the box? Are those the prints?" When I framed them I was excited and proud. My obsessive love of order and sameness was fed by the uniformity of the pictures in their container. They were surrounded by shiny black borders and clean glass that virtually sparkled. I'd signed them with my best sixth grade signature. (My penmanship never improved after Mrs. Axtell was done with me.) No one had seen the finished product but me. Suddenly - surprisingly - I realized that they'd been left out on a table during my move-in and they were being scrutinized.
"Hey, we're both signed up for the same race!" I hadn't run an official race for over a year. I'd made up my mind that I would for several reasons: My son is now a runner. There was no entry fee. (Frugality raises it's head once again.) I've moved to a new city and it's time for a fresh start. I've packed on 20 pounds since injuring my foot. Knowing that I would be slow, sweaty, and my times/race photos would be online for anyone/everyone to see gave me pause but not enough to keep me home Monday morning. So I got my older, fatter self out of bed. Oomph.
"...so I put it on twitter and forwarded it to some classmates..." Thus went the beginning of an email alerting me to the fact that my writing was about to get much more exposure than I've been used to. I'd had an inkling that it would happen and I'd let my coworkers know. I took the next step and linked the professional journal article to an email and now I'm certain that not only my family, friends, and colleagues, but also my immediate coworkers have read my words and my thoughts.
"I'm just calling to remind you of your mammogram appointment at 8:20 tomorrow morning." Why not? I feel like I've bared my soul this week. What's a little anatomy?
Here's to Mom, an all-star at letting us see her emotions. No pink for her. That would have pissed her off. Anyway, get your mammogram if it's indicated for you. No one should die of breast cancer. That's for damned sure. Mine is a year late because...well it's a year late. There are no excuses. Sorry, Mom. I'll do better next year.
©Michelle Scofield, July 7, 2011 All Rights Reserved
Sallie Field Moment
Well that was exciting. I was checking my email last night, between buffering frustrations with my Netflix. Yes, I'm still a phone-tethered fool who won't get cable. I prefer to think of myself as frugal, not cheap. So rather than stare at that swirly blue bar at the bottom of my screen, I jumped over to my mail account. Bianca took me to the JAAPA website. Wow! Just...WOW!
I knew it was in the works, this gathering of Physician Assistant writers, but I didn't know how or when. I'm absolutely flattered and excited. I'm very proud to be in such good company.
Thanks to Jim Anderson for his steady, most excellent work. Now check out the other writers. You'll like them, you'll really like them.
I knew it was in the works, this gathering of Physician Assistant writers, but I didn't know how or when. I'm absolutely flattered and excited. I'm very proud to be in such good company.
Thanks to Jim Anderson for his steady, most excellent work. Now check out the other writers. You'll like them, you'll really like them.
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