Future Written in the Past

I've started the process of "Look at it, Toss it or Keep it. Look at it again." I could wax nostalgic about a lifetime of collecting memories but I'm only halfway into this planned century of living so that seems a bit premature. My goal this morning is to begin the process of packing for a move down Highway 59. Doing so means tackling the mountain of mail and Very Important Papers on my desk. I pulled out a plastic filing crate from the closet and started throwing away Other Very Important Papers to make room for newer ones. It all makes sense to me.

As I finished the "Car" folder and moved to "Chris", I found two yellowing sheets of lined notebook paper. One was written by my son and one by my daughter. My son was not yet using longhand, except for his signature. My daughter wrote in precise cursive, nothing I would recognize as hers today. I took the time to sit down and read.

Apparently one day there had been some sort of altercation that had prompted a punishment by me that resulted in the pages I now held in my hands. They (the children) had been instructed to write a full page on why they should not hit each other. I won't go into the exact words they wrote but I will tell you that when my kids were in grade school I didn't have any idea they would grow into their current professions. Oh, I knew they would excel at anything they attempted. I knew they would be superstars - there was no doubt in my mind. (That's not just their Mom talking, they were undeniably brilliant.) What I didn't know as I was wrapped up in parenting, groceries, cooking, cleaning, considering my own schooling, attempting to keep a failing marriage together (and honestly, not attempting that hard), running a household, and fearing for the future of my brilliant children and myself...was that I had a lawyer and a doctor sitting right in front of me.

The papers written so many years ago speak of arbitration, fairness, diplomacy and consequences. They speak of relationships, self-esteem, the family unit. They speak of the importance of remaining healthy physically. I am blown away each and every day by the gift that I have been given in my children. I try so hard not to live in regret but how I wish I had been able to take more time when they were younger to appreciate the lessons they were teaching me. Paige and Chris, I love you more than I can ever, EVER express.


©Michelle Scofield May 7, 2011 All Rights Reserved